The
Real Cancun: Girls Gone Mild
The
Real Cancun: Girls Gone Mild
OK, first of all, don't hate me because I saw The Real Cancun (new in
theaters Friday, April 25). Billed as the first "reality movie," I'm
sure scholars and social commentators and special-interest groups everywhere
will hold this picture up as yet another example of the decline of Western Civilization,
yet another off-ramp on the highway to Hell. What's my take on this? I don't
know. I just wanted more breasts.
No, I'm kidding. Really. Don't send me letters.
The Real Cancun proves my old philosophy that you have to be drunk to
find really drunk people funny. I was not drunk when I saw The Real Cancun.
I probably should have been. I probably will be if I ever see it again. But
I wasn't this first go-around, and I kind of regret it. I would like to have
been as drunk as the alcoholics-in-training I was watching on screen. Not fight-the-police
drunk. Just the kind of giddy lightheadedness you get from consuming one too
many frozen drinks with little umbrellas hanging out of them.
The Real Cancun follows roughly a dozen college-age idiots as they descend
on Cancun, Mexico, for eight days of drinking, partying, swearing, and copulating.
Is it watchable? Oh, without a doubt. It's got loads of female and male nudity,
a beautiful locale, and wall-to-wall music featuring everyone from Uncle
Kracker and Shaggy to classic Guns N' Roses and 2 Live
Crew. I'm just a little surprised at how boring the various real people
were who "starred" in the picture. Only a few come across as anything
but shallow, overprivileged nimrods.
I will go by their first names. Alan is the Frank the Tank of the film. A Texas
Tech undergrad who has NEVER had a drink before at the start of the flick, you
just know the other randomly chosen, carefully screened cast members are going
to get him to do a shot of tequila at some point. Then another. Then another.
Two-thirds of the way through, Alan has shed his inhibitions and is drinking
body shots from chicks' navels and winning best body contests.
I also liked Paul and Jorell, the two African-American guys who made the cut
(the film opens with each person's screen tests). Meanwhile, lifelong friends
Heidi and David give the whole thing a little bit of honest emotion, even if
the producers play the "Will-they-or-won't-they" game a little too
crassly. David is a songwriter and his best moment comes when he sings an '80s-themed
folksy song that should be made into a single. It's that catchy.
The rest you can pretty much have. Surprisingly, it is the half-dozen guys whose
personalities really shine through in the film and who get most of the best
lines and moments. The six or seven females chosen are either stupid, loose,
or both. Even worse, they're interchangeable. The only way you can keep up with
them is by memorizing their body tattoos. There is also a minimal amount of
cattiness, which isn't very fun. Pretty much it's just the kids going from club
to club and party to party, pounding back liquor and lamenting about how they
don't understand each other.
Last year, Jackass: The Movie proved you could take a completely stupid
TV concept and turn into a successful, even more stupid big-screen event picture.
The creators went beyond what they could put on TV, and the result was 2002's
best, funniest, and most outlandish guilty pleasure. I gave The Real Cancun,
essentially a more raunchy version of MTV's The Real World (it has the
same producers), an honest chance just as I did Jackass.
In my college years, I never went to Spring Break in Florida or Mexico or Palm
Springs. Oh, now. Don't cry for me, Argentina. The closest I ever got was watching
the proceedings on MTV at home with a Milwaukee's Best in one hand and a ratty
old copy of Young Lady Chatterly II on VHS ready to go in the other.
I wanted The Real Cancun to transport me to the Spring Break of 2003.
It did. But with the gang I was forced to hang out with, I couldn't wait to
get back home.
The Real Cancun is rated R for nudity (there's not enough), foul
language (there's too much), and partying (you ever watched tape of someone
else's party? Yeah, it's THAT much fun).
[Home]