Summer Movies 2001: A Recap

In fact, let's treat it like an awards show (since 90 percent of these movies won't be gettin' awards anyway). You've heard of the Oscars? Call these the Teddys:

THREE BEST FILMS OF THE SUMMER (all lists in alphabetical order):
1) Ghost World, 2) Moulin Rouge, 3) The Others

THREE BEST POPCORN MOVIES:
1) "The Fast and the Furious; 2) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, 3) Rush Hour 2

BEST DOCUMENTARY:
Startup.com

THREE WORST MOVIES OF THE SUMMER:
1) Scary Movie 2 2) Summer Catch; 3) Tomb Raider

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT:
Planet of the Apes

MOVIE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HARDER ON:
Jurassic Park III (I saw it a second time, and could barely get through it).

MOVIE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER ON:
A.I: Artificial Intelligence (there really was a LOT to recommend in that film).

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE SUMMER, MALE:
Jude Law, A.I. Gigolo Joe should have his own movie.

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE SUMMER, FEMALE:
(tie) Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge and The Others. Nicole, may divorce be with you.

WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE SUMMER, MALE:
Any one with a penis in Tomb Raider.

WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE SUMMER, FEMALE:
Tea Leoni, Jurassic Park III. Should have been eaten by a dinosaur the first time she picked up a bullhorn and started calling for her son in the middle of an open field. If the rest of the movie had been watching her be slowly digested in the T-Rex's belly, that would have been worth the price of admission.

COOLEST MOMENT:
The opening explosion in Swordfish. Runner-up: The Ninja cats fight in Cats and Dogs.

UNCOOLEST MOMENT:
Sony making up a critic to quote in national ads for A Knight's Tale and Animal. And people ask me why I'm never quoted.

SCARIEST OLD LADY:
Renee Asherson, The Others. (hey, no Grandmother Durgin jokes!)

BEST WIGS:
John Cameron Mitchell, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

BEST OPENING CREDITS:
Shrek.

MOST EXPANDING WAISTLINE:
Marlon Brando, The Score. Runner-up: Dan Aykroyd, Evolution" and Pearl Harbor. You know I'm right.

SILLIEST GOOF:
In Pearl Harbor, Ben Affleck's pilot character, Rafe, volunteers for a mission in England. He is stationed in New York. And, yet, when he says goodbye to Kate Beckinsale, he leaves on a train. Think about it!

FUNNIEST NUDITY:
Paul Bettany as Chaucer in A Knight's Tale.

BEST LINE OF DIALOGUE:
In Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Ben Affleck to a bored Matt Damon on the set of Good Will Hunting 2: "Oh, I'm sorry this is taking you away from whatever touchy-feely, gay-killers-on-horses-who-play-golf flick you're supposed to be doing this week!"

STAR OF TOMORROW:
Anne Hathaway, The Princess Diaries.

SHOULD BE OUT OF WORK TOMORROW:
Estella Warren. Every time I see her on screen, I wish the ER doctors would warm up those shock paddles and zap this former model for the absolutely lifeless performances she has delivered in Driven and Planet of the Apes.

FINALLY, GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN:
The 22-year-old singer/actress Aaliyah, who perished in a plane crash last weekend. I liked her in Romeo Must Die, and she was all set to co-star in The
Matrix sequels. This was a talent on the rise. So sad. And I would be remiss not to say one final goodbye to the great Jack Lemmon, who also passed away this summer. There truly will never be another one like him.