Behind Enemy Lines: Just Say Nose

By Teddy Durgin
OK, I just gotta ask the question. What the Hell is up with Owen Wilson's nose?! I mean, did someone go Maxwell Smart on him and close a door on his sniffer, or is it some kind of weird birth defect? Whatever the case, the dude has one seriously messed-up beak. How messed up? With Wilson's star on the rise, Hollywood casting directors are reportedly trying to determine if Jamie Farr is still alive so he can play his dad in upcoming pictures.

I kid because I care. In just a short time, Wilson has become one of my favorite screen personalities. He first made his name on the indie-film scene as a screenwriter, penning such '90s flicks as Bottle Rocket and Rushmore. His quirky Midwestern delivery and good-natured charm soon got him cast as a supporting player in such major productions as Armageddon and The Haunting. His turn as the Jesus-loving carpenter/ex-boyfriend of Ben Stiller's fianci in Meet the Parents coupled with his performance opposite Jackie Chan in the hit comedy Shanghai Noon propelled him into the box-office mainstream.

Now, comes the inevitable lead in an action film.

The flick is Behind Enemy Lines (due in theaters Friday, Nov. 30), a fantastically loud military thriller that features Wilson as a downed F-18 navigator in war-torn Bosnia. His pilot killed, Wilson's Chris Burnett must trek through dangerous terrain to get to a neutral zone of sorts where NATO forces can pick him up. Matters are further complicated by the fact that Burnett went outside his recon mission's parameters to take some digital photographs of the enemy on the move.

As an action flick, Behind Enemy Lines gives good corn. If you like explosions and tanks and machine guns and guys in camouflage, this is your movie. It's not as satisfying as giving Bin Laden a swift boot to the ass, but then again, what is? For those looking for military might on the big screen, 20th Century Fox has moved up the release date on this movie just for you. Enjoy!

The first half-hour of Behind Enemy Lines is basically airplane porn, as first-time director John Moore's camera swoops loving down and around the fuselages of fighter jets, through their engines, into their cockpits, and out there gun barrels. This first part of the film is capped off with one of the most spectacular mid-air chase sequences I have seen as Burnett and his buddy, Lt. Stackhouse (a briefly effective Gabriel Macht) try unsuccessfully to evade two heat-seeking ground-to-air missiles.

It's when Burnett is on the ground that the movie starts to misstep into absurdity. I'll give Wilson credit, though. He is in marvelous shape for the role, and his everyman status provides us with some doubt as to his character's long-term well-being. But the first time Burnett on foot outruns 50 guys with machine guns and a couple of tanks lighting up the countryside just behind him as they pursue him into the woods, you realize this is not going to be the Scott O'Grady eat-bugs-and-travel-by-night story but an increasingly silly action spectacle.

Gene Hackman is in the film as Burnett's commanding officer. To say that the two-time Oscar winner could play this role in his sleep is an understatement. He could play the role in his coffin! But that's OK. Anytime you get to see the old Hacker seethe and sweat his way through another great authority figure part, it's always a treat. The only moment where there is any character development, though, is when the Admiral stares wistfully at a career of framed awards and certificates on a wall and silently ponders his dwindling future.

Then, it's back to the explosions and gunfire.

Some of the pyrotechnics are truly fantastic. At one point, Wilson's pursuers ignite an entire street mined with grenades and land mines. Other times, Moore is so intent on showing off the fancy camera tricks he learned in music videos that style overtakes the substance. Moore's favorite move is to swoop around Burnett while on tall mountaintops as the enemy closes in. The first time, it's kind of cool. By the tenth time, you half-expect Wilson to start belting out The Sound of Music.

The silliest part of Behind Enemy Lines is the cat-and-mouse game that Burnett plays with a Russian sniper on the ground. The sniper has been ordered by an evil General (who kind of looks like Chris Noth after a month of straight boozing) to eliminate the American before he can reach safety to preserve NATO's pledge to pull out of the region. Moore is too inexperienced a director to ever convincingly put Burnett and the eternally grimacing sniper (I'm working without a press kit here, so I don't know the actor's name) in the same shot together. Burnett is constantly seen fleeing in a field or down a street or across a bridge, all the while looking over his shoulder in fear. Then, we cut to the sniper and he appears to be in a completely different place altogether.

Actually, all the General had to do was order his man to shoot for Owen Wilson's nose. The movie would have been over in about 40 minutes! Seriously, I kept waiting for Wilson to hide behind a tree or a rock only to have his schnoz still visible on one side. Jeez, that guy's nose is big! It's like watching the fin of Jaws inverted. Wilson could scare the crap out of people at the beach just by swimming on his back.

For those of you who don't know who or what I'm talking about, I wish I could provide a photo. The poster for this flick is no help. The ad gurus actually touched up Wilson's nose on the one-sheet to make it look straight! But that honker is anything but straight. Have you ever seen Total Recall? Remember the scene where Schwarzenegger stuck a pair of tweezers up his nose and removed the implanted homing beacon from his brain by yanking it through his nostril. That's kind of what Wilson's nose looks like.

On the big screen, you can't take your eyes off it. I wish I could say the same about much of Behind Enemy Lines. If this movie were a general, he would be wearing two stars.

Behind Enemy Lines is rated PG-13 for war violence and language.