All About the Benjamins: A Few Dollars Short

All About the Benjamins is one of those movies that tries to be both an action-packed shoot-'em-up and a laugh-filled comedy and fails to be either. Oh, the bullets fly as fast as the one-liners, but rarely do they hit their targets. The film is essentially 100 minutes of characters driving from place to place, shooting at each other, and beating each other up.

And not even the cars are very interesting.

There are two key players to blame this one on. First, All About Benjamins was co-written and co-produced by Ice Cube, the rapper-turned-actor who casts himself as bounty hunter Bucum (pronounced "Book 'em" as in "Book 'em, Dano") Jackson. Cube melts under the pressure of having to pull triple duty, failing to deliver either a consistent movie or character. First-time director Kevin Bray is no help. Bray makes really good use of Miami locales, but he doesn't have a clue as to how to shoot action sequences. His idea of filming gun battles, foot chases, and car stunts is running or driving just ahead of his actors and bouncing the camera on his shoulder. And his sense of pace is terrible. The film starts and stops like a kid in a parking lot learning to use the gas and brake pedals for the first time.

Bucum is a low-level skip tracer who dreams of making enough money to open his own private investigation firm. He senses that his big chance to score some serious bucks (aka "Benjamins") has come in the form of small-time con man Reggie Wright (Mike Epps), who may have stumbled onto a major diamond heist. At the same time, Reggie and his girlfriend, Gina (Eva Mendes), have won a $60 million lottery jackpot. But scatter-brained Reggie dropped his wallet which held the winning ticket in the van of the jewel thieves while attempting to elude Bucum who was trying to take him back to jail for failing to appear in court for an earlier crime.

Got that? Don't answer.

I'll certainly give All About the Benjamins mad props ... er, much credit for throwing a lot at the audience. Unfortunately, the film is riddled with as many plot holes as the main bad guy's henchmen are riddled with bullet holes by the time the closing credits roll. An opening action sequence in which Bucum takes down a bigoted crook in his Florida Everglades home, only to be shot at by his redneck girlfriend and mother has energy (I guess it's the bigot's mother, the film never really made clear who the other hideous white person shooting at Ice Cube was). But Bray never lets us see what happens to the third person with the gun. Not only that, he misses a golden opportunity for humor. Why not keep bringing redneck after redneck out of the woodwork only to get their butts kicked by Ice Cube? Why only three?

Later in the film, Bucum, Reggie, and their respective women are chasing the jewel thieves in a car for several miles when all of a sudden, the main bad guy stops, gets out of his car, and fires a rocket from a missile launcher at Bucum's vehicle. The missile misses and blows up a fish truck, comically raining down tuna and mackerel on Ice Cube and Epps. But ... er, uh ... what happened to the bad guy? There is never a shot of him getting back in the car and driving off. All About the Benjamins is full of moments like these.

Another thing that bugged me was that Bucum never seems to believe that Reggie lost a $60 million winning lottery ticket and that he is trying to frantically to retrieve it, even after Reggie's girlfriend confirms it, even after Reggie goes to exceedingly great lengths to get it back. Also, when it is clear that Reggie has no clue about where the real diamonds are--the ones that Bucum wants to find and turn into the police and become a media hero--there is no reason for Bucum to keep him around anymore. At that point, turning Reggie in and collecting the bounty would make perfect sense. Of course, if he did, it would have been only a 60-minute movie.

Ugh! Where's Boba Fett when you really need him?!

OK, truth be told, the target audience that will be going to see All About the Benjamins is not gonna care a lick about whether the movie makes any sense or if the action is well choreographed. The target audience only really just wants to see Ice Cube and Mike Epps bicker and hurl creatively profane insults at one another. On this level, the movie delivers. I think Epps is an absolute star in the making. He probably ad-libbed at least half his dialogue in this film, and some of his throwaway lines are nothing short of brilliant. Consequently, whenever he is on screen, the film has a spark, a nice counterpoint to Ice Cube's
glum bounty hunter. Epps is particularly hysterical in scenes where the pressure is turned up and he has to use his best weapon--his motor mouth--to hold off whatever bad guy is threatening him until Bucum can come to the rescue.

Now, I know what you're thinking. A terminally white 31-year-old male such as myself is most definitely NOT the target audience for All About the Benjamins. How can I sit here, a native of the planet Caucasia, wearing a shirt sporting a little guy-on-a-pony emblem, and give an accurate critique of such a black-themed movie? Best to stick to my Grey Poupon and Merchant-Ivory films.

Hey, you may be right. But I usually bristle when I get e-mail telling me things like: "You're a guy. How can you review a chick flick?" Or, "You're a grown-up. How can you review a children's film?" That's a lazy way of thinking. Quality is quality. If I were to tell you that some of my past annual Top 10 lists have included movies like Glory, House Party, Boyz N the Hood, Malcolm X, Hoop Dreams, Devil in a Blue Dress, and Eve's Bayou, would that give me my "street critic" credentials? Of course not. That would be as bad as a white guy with no African-American friends saying, "Come on. I had gym class with a black guy once. I know the culture."

I only know movies, and All About the Benjamins is at best a weekend video rental. And, hey, who's to say that somewhere deep inside of me doesn't lurk the heart of a rapper, a street poet, a prophet who knows how to profit? All I would need is a name. A rap handle, if you will. How about MC Movie T? Nah, too obvious. The Vanilla Gorilla? Taken. Besides, I've always wanted one of those cool "Ice" names, like Ice Cube or Ice T. Hmmm, how about Ice Pick? Or, Ice Cream?

Ah, I'm probably too sensitive for the rap industry. Maybe inside of me beats the heart of a great R&B singer, like Barry White. I already have the deep voice, and a part of me has always wanted to wear my hair like Dr. J in the '70s. Yeah, man! I could kick this film criticism gig to the curb and put together a group. Call it something like the Afrodisiacs.

And, yes, we would be ... all about the Benjamins!

All About the Benjamins is rated R for lots of violence and lots of foul language.